Becoming Mindy Who Writes
Photo credit: Kristi Schellie
My parents named me Mindy Ellen Stern, and I never changed it. In Ashkenazi Jewish custom, the dearly departed are deeply honored by naming a newborn after them. Thus, an American Joe carries the spirit of a late European Yosseleh, Susie is named after Saraleh, Faye and Faith are modern versions of Faygie, which actually means “little bird.” When I was growing up in 1950s Brooklyn, Mindy was a fairly common name. We were not Melinda’s, we were Mindy’s, full stop, most of us named after our dead grandmothers. I was born ten years after my father’s mother, Mindel Esther Stern, née Engel, and six of her eight children were murdered in Auschwitz. All the other Mindy’s I knew had similar stories. My father’s sister, the only other family member to survive the camps, named her daughter Mindy too. Since I was born first, they called me “the Big Mindy,” and my cousin was “Little Mindy.” There was nothing big about me - I was skinny and flat-chested. Still, I was older, and the name stuck.
My family moved to Upstate New York when my husband started graduate school. Not many Jews there, but my new doctor’s last name was Greenberg. Looking at my chart the first time we met, his eyes twinkled as he reminisced, “When I was growing up, Mindy’s were a dime a dozen. It’s been years since I met anyone with your name.” Our next move took us much further west, to Seattle. Calling my former boss in Binghamton, I said, “Hi, it’s Mindy.” Pretending he’d already forgotten me, he replied, “Mindy who?” Next time I called, I said, “Hi there, it’s Mindy Who.” I used this sassy moniker for my email address at work, launching a new variation of my name.
Last night, my husband asked, “Do you know there’s someone out there with your name, who’s also a writer? A different Mindy Stern posts on Medium and has over a thousand followers! My friends found her when they searched for your most recent article.” I discovered her a few weeks ago while setting up my author website – my namesake was adopted, and posts mostly about issues around parenting, adoption, and finding her birth family. Like me, she started her career as a social worker. At the age of 48, she began writing for television.
Not wanting to be confused with her, I registered on Medium as Mindy Ellen Stern, aka Mindy Who Writes. And then I emailed my doppelgänger to let her know I’m trying not to step on her toes. She replied the same day, finding it “hilarious,” and thanking me for reaching out. Respect. She’s busy with a project, so we made a plan to talk later in the month. I think of her now as “L.A. Mindy,” since she lives in California and writes for TV. I told her that years ago after I published an academic article, I googled myself and found another Mindy Stern, a social worker in Colorado. Was that her? No! So, there are at least three Mindy Sterns out there, all of whom had careers in social work, and two of whom are now writing. L.A. Mindy told me that she once googled herself and found me! She didn’t know about our Colorado namesake. How many more of us can there be?
When my cousin, Mindy, made a wedding for her daughter, I met no less than three other Mindy’s of about my age at the reception. After the first introduction, I thought “Someone is pulling my leg.” By the third encounter, I realized we were all part of a trend. Thankfully, none of them shared my last name.
Meanwhile, I’m embracing my new nickname. No more “the Big Mindy.” From now on my handle is Mindy Ellen Stern, aka Mindy Who Writes.